Cover Snark: No Fires in the Library, Please

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Happy Cover Snark Monday!

From Dee: His arms and whatever happened to his hands is scary enough but if you only look at the thumbnails, you wonder where her second arm went. I’m also not sure if he’s a vampire or just sniffing her hair in a REALLY creepy way. Enjoy.

Amanda: Look ma, no hands.

Sarah: Wheeeeeeee!

Also, if you’re going to flaming firebang, go for it, but maybe not near so many books?

Sneezy: Oof!!! Insta turn off

“Hey, baybee~ Let’s- YOU WANT TO WHAT??? I’M NOT FUCKING A BOOK BURNER!!!!!!”

Also, to my presently Fullmetal Alchemist saturated brain, I take one look at that and think, “…Homunculi.”

From Jen M: I came across this book and immediately thought of Cover Snark. There are so many things wrong with this cover that I don’t even know where to start. Plus that title – what does it even mean?

Amanda: That’s hair. Not a pompom. That’s hair? I think that’s hair. Maybe it’s Fated Bangs, and his are the question for fate?

Tara: I see Fated Bings.

via GIPHY

Sarah: LOLOL

Or Fated Binge. Which is what I did with the bread I made.

Tara: Oh yes. That’s why I don’t make bread. I would binge that fate too.

Carrie: What are Fated Bines? That’s what I see.

Catherine: Apparently it’s Fated Binds. This book is too romantic for grammar.

I’m interested in the X Ray jaw behind them. And that there seems to be text saying ‘Smile’.

I am also concerned that the hero’s head has been replaced by a pom-Pom. Though since I was initially concerned that he had no head, I guess that’s a step up.

Lara: The photoshopping of the woman’s legs also seems… a little off?

This really is the cover that keeps on giving.

Sneezy: I see Fated Biyds…

Which reminds me of names where people stick in random letters to escape being basic.

This font is like a Rorschach test, isn’t it?

faints on fainting couch

Doctor, what’s wrong with me?

Oh!!! She has a humanoid person behind her. For a second there I thought she was some kind of human centipede

EllenM: I see “fated bimps”

Shana: It took me a full minute to realize that was his head, and not a giant rosette in her hair.

From Kelly: I am nominating a book for cover snark. I have read this site for years and my favorite posts are always cover snark. When I saw this cover, it stopped me in my tracks with its sheer lunacy and I knew I had to share.

Sarah: I understand what happened here crop-wise, and the end result looks like his sweatpants, or possibly his bladder, are lifting weights from the inside.

Tara: To me, it looks like they’re growing out of his hips, which makes me wonder if the pants go on like Raphael’s shirts in the Guild Hunter series.

Amanda: The O on Love isn’t doing that belly button any favors

Lara: All I’m getting from this cover is Frankenstein’s monster, crotch edition

Catherine: Oh no, what is even going on? Why does he have dumbells in his pants? Is he doing ball-strengthening exercises? And more importantly, who decided that drawstrings are sexy?

(Andrew just came in and commented that either he has balls of steel or a MASSIVE piercing. I’m sure we are supposed to think something is massive, but I don’t know that ‘piercing’ is what they were going for.)

Shana: I can’t stop staring at this.

What is going on with his arm?

Sarah: All of his shoulders are oddly photographed. All nine of them.

Amanda: Maybe he has one of those itches like right in the small of his back and he’s ready to dislocate a shoulder to get it.

Elyse: It’s not a love story, guys. It’s a fucking story

Amanda: I didn’t realize they were mutually exclusive.

Sarah: Yeah, a “that fucking itch on the inside of my shoulder blade” story.

Tara: Tattoo healing gets real itchy.

Lara: Is that… a rosary in his hand?

Shana: See, he needs the rosary to hold the fractured pieces of his arm together.

Sneezy: THIS fucking story has been approved by the POPE!!!!

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